Thursday, December 18, 2014

5 Important Life Lessons we've learned from Watching Disney films

5 Important Life Lessons we’ve learned from Watching Disney films

By: Brian Cotnoir

You know, I must admit that I was quite resentful towards Disney for the longest time.  For the longest time I wrote them off as repetitive and overrated...Then I became an Uncle, and started watching Disney animated movies with my little niece, and then I began watching Disney movies on my own too, and next thing I knew I started writing Top 5’s about the Best & Worst Disney Characters on Asylum for Nerds.  So today I am going to tell you 5 Important Lessons that we’ve all learned from watching Disney films.

1.) Losing a Parent is tough, but time heals all wounds (especially if you have family and friends to help you through)

It's okay, Bambi.  You shall overcome
So many people claim that “Disney is anti-family”, because a number of their animated film stories that feature a death of one of or both parents.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  I ask you to look at it this way:  growing up how many of your friends lived with both parents?  Off the top of my head I can only name 4 friends who parents didn’t get divorced when they were kids.  Now true, Disney parent absenteeism is more attributed to death than divorce or abandonment, but still losing a parent as scary know matter how you look at it.  Take Simba from “The Lion King” for example, he blames himself for the death of his father, and runs away from home and just wants to be left alone.  He is found by Timon and Pumbaa who take him under their wing and show him that life isn’t always easy and you can’t linger on the past, and they raise him like he was one of their own.  It’s a wonderful life lesson for kids going through tough times.

2.) Not all Monsters are bad.

Early on Disney studios had a very distinctive way of portraying characters.  The character design was as basic as you can get: you have the one young attractive character as the protagonist and then you have the older ugly character as the antagonist.  However, Disney has progressed over the years to show the “You can’t always judge a book by its cover” style, and it all started with the Beast from “Beauty and the Beast”; here you have a creature who is more creature than man as the love interest, while the villain is played by a muscular and  attractive Adonis, and yet Belle recognizes that the Beast truly has inner beauty and that Gaston is shallow and may be beautiful on the outside, but on the inside he is a hideous beast.  Then you have Quasimodo from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” where so many characters make such a big deal out of his physical appearance, when it should be the content of his character that should matter.  Even their more recent films like “Wreck It Ralph” and “Monsters Inc.” have an emphasis that looks can be deceiving.  Just because a person looks scary or mean on the outside doesn’t mean that they are a bad person on the inside.  This is an important life lesson to learn at an early age, and every now and then it’s nice to have this helpful reminder.

3.) Parents, your kids are going to make mistakes and that’s okay

You said it, Marlon
How many Disney films are there out there where the main character is told by their parents, don’t journey far from here because the world is scary and dangerous? I mean this is a subject that is brought in films like “Pinocchio” “The Little Mermaid”, “Aladdin”, and “Finding Nemo”, just to name a few.  Then what typically happens is the main character wanders off on their own, they run into some trouble, and they have to turn back to their parents for help, the parents say “I tried to warn you”, but the main character decides to give it another try and with the help of their parents face the challenges head on and they overcome their fears together. This is an important life lesson for not only kids, but adults.  So many parents are so afraid to let their children grow up because they know of dangers in the world that their kids don’t, and they want to protect them and keep them away from danger and trouble.  However, whenever the parents do this all it does is cause their kids to feel anxious, repressed, and rebellious, and drives them to take big dangerous risks.  Princess Jasmine ran away because all she’s ever seen and known in life is the inside of a palace, and she wanted to see the World (and avoid being forced to marry a man she didn’t love)  And what about Nemo?  He wanted to get away from his overprotective father Marlon and explore the big, blue ocean, and he got in to trouble, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing because it teaches another—equally important lesson—; actions have consequences.

4.) The Importance of exploring

Weeeeeee, Adventures in books! :)
Another important life lesson taught from Disney is exploring?  What’s the point of life if you don’t get a chance to explore, I mean look at the songs in Disney Films about wanting to see the world and want more from life like “Part of your World” from “The Little Mermaid” and “The First Time in Forever” from “Frozen” are two of the most iconic Disney Songs about wanting to explore.  And everyone from Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Princess Aurora, Rapunzel, and Princess Anna all expressed their desires to explore and see the world.  Life’s too short to stay cooped up in a palace for your entire life, so go out and see the world, and have adventures and make new friends.

5.) Life’s got you down?  Well then sing your freaking heart out! J

Are you upset because you feel like you let down your family and just want to be left alone to feel sorry for yourself?  Well there’s Disney a song for that...


Are you upset because you’re father wants you to be content with your life and forbids you from exploring??  Well there’s a Disney Song for that...


Have you ever been given a task to complete that seems utterly impossible?  Well there’s a Disney Song for that...



Have you ever felt like an outcast who will never find anyone who understands you?  Yes, there is a Disney Song for that too!


Disney is known for not only making some of the Best and Most Memorable films of All-Time, but they have also composed and performed some of the Best and Most Well Known songs of All-Time.  What person hasn’t taken Timon & Pumbaa’s “Hakuna Matata” philosophy to heart on those days where you just want to say f*ck it to everything?  And since 2013, there hasn’t been a woman between the age of 4-24 that hasn’t just randomly belted out that song for the hell of it!  This is probably the Best Advice Disney has ever given people; when life gets you down, don’t just sit there and sulk; get up, and sing your heart out until you feel better!


Saturday, November 22, 2014

Character Analysis: Otis B. Driftwood

Character Analysis: Otis B. Driftwood

By: Brian Cotnoir

     Oh My.  It has been ages since I’ve done a Character Analysis.  I guess I should do something about it and do one on one of my Favorite Film Characters of All-Time.  I find that when it comes to the Horror films directed by musician Rob Zombie people either love them or they hate; there is no middle ground.  I happen to be a fan of all things pertaining to Rob Zombie.  And I think the most creative and interesting thing he’s created was the character Otis B. Driftwood.   

CHARACTER: Otis B Driftwood from “The House of 1000 Corpses” (2003) and “The Devil’s Rejects” (2005).
    
Otis in "The House of 1000 Corpses"
Otis B. Driftwood is an American serial killer who lives in the small fictional town of Ruggsville, Texas.  He is named after a character Groucho Marx film “A Night at the Opera” (1935).  There is no confirmation as to whether or not Otis B. Driftwood is his actual birth name or whether it is a nickname/alias.  He lives with a group of people called “The Firefly” family (also named after characters from the Marx Brothers Films) however Otis shares no blood relation to any members of the Firefly family.  His is a man who is sadistic in nature and enjoys kidnapping people and submitting them to many horrible and disgusting forms of torture.  The first time we meet Otis he is up in the attic with 5 High School cheerleaders that he kidnapped.  He is furious that he can’t come up with a great idea of what to do with them.  He later takes 4 travelers that Baby and Rufus Firefly bait and trap.  Otis turns one of them—a man named Bill—into a half-man, half fish creation (who he decided to name “Fish Boy”) for Captain Spaulding’s museum.     
Otis in "The Devils Rejects"
    Since he is an albino, it would make sense that he works best at night and in isolation because that way he can protect his pale skin from the hot Texas sun.  Otis is most handy with knives.  He is a master skinner and in both films he manages to successfully skin off the faces of a man he killed and then wears their face as a mask. Otis also has a short temper and is constantly arguing with all members of the Firefly family.  His temper usually turns into extreme acts of violence including stabbings, maiming’s, beatings, burnings, rape, necrophilia, and murder.  Most amazingly enough is how he overcame his birth defect albinism (...somehow?) in the 10 months between the ending of the first film and the beginning of the second film.

THE ACTOR:

Actor Bill Moseley
Otis B. Driftwood is played by veteran actor Bill Mosely in both films.  Most today recognize Moseley since he appeared in “The House of 1000 Corpses” and “The Devils Rejects”.  Bill Moseley just does a fantastic job in this role; he completely makes Otis his own character.  Even though he’s a supporting character in “The House of 1000 Corpses” he is without a doubt the most recognizable and memorable supporting cast member.  He was so popular and beloved in the “The House of 1000 Corpses” that he was upgraded to a main character in “The Devils Rejects”.  You can usually see Bill Moseley front and center in most of the advertisement and merchandise for “The Devils Rejects”.  What’s great about Mosely’s portrayal is how little he changes Otis’s personality between films.  While characters like Captain Spaulding and Baby Firefly go from being funny and ditsy to tough, angry, and ruthless, Moseley makes no changes to Otis’s personality:  he is still angry, he is still violent, and he is still a complete f*cking sociopath.

When I met Bill Moseley back in 2012
and he pretended to be interested in a story
that I was telling him.  It was GREAT day :)


CHARACTER IS SIMILAR TO OR INSPIRED BY:

     I looked up scenes with Otis B. Driftwood from Groucho Marx’s “A Night at the Opera” to see if there were any similarities between Groucho’s Otis and Bill Moseley’s Otis and in the few scenes I found on-line, the only similarity I found between the characters was the name.  Otis’s personality is clearly inspired by notorious American Serial Killer Charles Manson.  Some of Otis’s lines in the films are direct lines taken from interviews of Charles Manson.  Otis even looks similar to Manson.  As for his fetish with experimenting on human bodies and the necrophilia, well that sounds like another American Serial Killer, Ed Gein, to me.                          
    Now as for other fictional characters in film that Otis is similar to, I’m going to say he’s pretty much identical to Luigi Largo from “Repo! The Genetic Opera” (2008); another role done by actor Bill Moseley.  Just from watching Moseley as Luigi in Repo you can clearly tell he brought some of Otis’s character traits to the role like the violent temper and enjoyment of stabbing and skinning people for the fun of it.  However, Luigi leaves the wearing of other people’s skin to his brother Pavi.

THIS
+ THIS
=THIS :)

FATE OF THE CHARACTER:


Otis don't care.
Otis along with Captain Spaulding and Baby Firefly were captured by Sheriff John Quincey Wydell, he takes them back to the Firefly ranch to personally torture and punish them for their crimes and avenge the death of his brother George (who was executed by Mother Firefly in “The House of a 1000 Corpses”).  Before Wydell can finish his brutal and savage execution the family he is killed by Baby’s brother Tiny.  Tiny rescues and sets Otis, Captain Spaulding, and Baby free.  As they three continue with they’re run away journey they run into a heavily armed police barricade.  Rather than surrender, Otis and the others decided to go out in a blaze of glory and gun fire.  The three of them race towards the police barricade exchanging gun fire with the cops.  All though, the film does not show Otis or the others dying on screen in the film, it is heavily suggested that all 3 were killed by the police during the shootout.  And that is the sad end to the life of Otis B. Driftwood.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

5 of the Whitest Songs Ever Recorded (Part I)

5 Of the Whitest Songs Ever Recorded (Part I)

By: Brian Cotnoir

     Now it is true: Music knows no racial boundaries, but the 5 songs I have compiled on this list are—almost—exclusively loved by White People aka the un-coolest demographic in what’s popular. So Kick back as I count down this the 5 Whitest Songs Ever Recorded

5.)  Gettin' Jiggy Wit It by Will Smith

There’s was nothing that more white people loved in the late 90’s-early 2000’s then the squeaky clean raps of Rapper-turned actor-turned rapper again Will Smith.  Will Smith had been writing and recording multiple radio friendly rap songs since the late 80’s, but in the late 90’s his rap career skyrocketed, and the one track of his that was beloved by All-White People was 1998’s Gettin' Jiggy Wit It.  It was a recorded and released a little over a year after the murders of two of Rap’s biggest stars Tupac Shakur and the Notorious B.I.G.  It was a time when the realness and danger of the “Hip Hop Life Style” became to frightening so the radio stations and record companies began searching for a nice clean rap artist with no ties to the street or gang relations.  However, Will Smith’s dull and cheesy raps couldn’t last forever, and eventually fans of Rap & Hip Hop migrated back to the harder sounding Rap Artists.  Artists like...



4.)  The Real Slim Shady by Eminem

     Michigan’s Marshall Mather’s aka Eminem was White People’s first real connection to Mainstream Rap Music since Vanilla Ice (but we’ll get to him later).  Now know disrespect to Mr. Mathers, as he is quite a talented Rapper and performer...however, what people seem to forget is that this led to an army of angry white boys with bleach blonde hair wearing plain white t-shirts and blue jeans saying that they were “The Real Slim Shady.

Be Honest: You all knew a douche who dressed and looked like
this in High School, didnt you??  Don't lie to me. You know you did!


3.)  Shake it Off by Taylor Swift

This song has only been around a few months and the music video for this song has already surpassed 280 Million views on Youtube.  Taylor Swift has been the voice for a whole generation of annoying white girls who were broken up with by that one guy that one time and they still haven’t gotten over it.  However, “Shake It Off” not only is definitely her big crossover hit as it has not only one over swarms of annoying white girls, but also swarms of annoying white guys too.  With its simplistic lyrics, repetitive chorus, and cheesy music video it’s know surprise that Taylor Swift (or “The Little White Girl Who Could” as I prefer to call her) managed to win over swarms of white people with this track.



2.)  Hangin' Tough by New Kids on the Block

Oh yeah, they're toughies!
Before all Boy Bands had structure and a designated formula to follow in order to find success, everything they did was pretty much experimentation.  One of those failed experiements was the attempt to establish the “Tough” Boy Band.  This failure came courtesy of New Kids on the Block’s 1988 single “Hangin' Tough”.  Hey you want to know what’s not tough?  5 White Teenagers from Boston led by Mark Wahlberg’s mulleted brother singing and doing choreographed dances about how tough they are.  This track was definitely a low point in New Kids on the Block’s career.  This song is so bad and so cheesy that it makes the crappy white rap group from the 1985 movie “Teen Witch” look like N.W.A.

Seriously Guys: you make the vid below look credible





1.)  Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice


Now here we go the breakthrough hit for Original Funky White Boy, Robert Van Winkle aka Vanilla Ice.  Now true, practically everyone likes (or at the very least remembers) this song for how cheesy it is, but upon it’s release in early 1990; this was the closest thing any white person had gotten to being “gangsta”.  Twenty-five years later it is still beloved by white people and has become a staple at karaoke bars around the world, and god bless Vanilla Ice for allowing us to here such fresh and funky rhymes.






Wednesday, November 12, 2014

5 Ideal Christmas Songs for People who Hate Christmas Music

5 Ideal Christmas Songs for People who hate Christmas Music

By: Brian Cotnoir

Well it’s that’s time of the year again.  That time of year when Christmas music begins to dominate the radio airwaves and echoes throughout every mall, shopping center, and place of business.  However, if you’re like me, you absolutely can’t stand Christmas music.  One there’s only like 30 good ones that have ever been written and practically every single artist has at least attempted to record and/or release a Christmas album with their own rendition of one of those songs.  It’ becomes old and outdated VERY quickly.  So I’m here to tell you of 5 Ideal Christmas Songs for people who hate Christmas Music.  You may not love these songs, but you certainly won’t hate them.  These are 5 Songs you’ll probably want to give a listen to this Holiday Season.

5.) Christmas Night of the Living dead by MxPx

     Want to know what would make the Christmas Season better?  Zombies!  Washington State Punk Pop band MxPx makes this a reality with their song “Christmas Night of the Living Dead”.  Hey Halloween was only 2 months prior to Christmas and the memories of that holiday are still fresh in the minds of lots of people, so I think that this track is the perfect combination of both those holidays


4.) Coming out for Christmas by Voltaire and Homo Christmas by Pansy Division

     Now we talk about a subject this is also neglected during the Christmas Season.  I of course, am talking about Homo Eroticism.  We are lucky to have not one, but two awesome tracks to deal with the subject of being gay on Christmas.  On one hand you have Dark Cabaret and Goth Legend, Voltaire, with a cheery and humorous song about coming out to your family on Christmas.  Then you have Queercore band Pansy Division’s romantic and equally as humorous track “Homo Christmas” about wanting to be that one (presumably gay) man’s special Christmas gift that year.





3.) Merry Merry Merry Frickin’ Christmas” by Frickin’ A

     Want to know what’s great about Christmas?  Getting lots of presents and getting absolutely shlockered!  Want to know what’s not great about Christmas?  Having to interact with your family! Ohio 
Pop Rock band Frickin’ A sums up all these feelings in their song “Merry Merry Merry Freaking Christmas”. And if you’re a Boston Red Sox fan like myself, the band also released another version of this song about the Red Sox capturing their first World Series title in 86 years in 2004.  The lyrics were slightly altered to be about the Red Sox win, but it is still very much a great Christmas song.



2.) Fairytale of New York by The Pogues ft. Kristy MacColl

Not only is this one of my Favorite Christmas Songs, but it is one of my Favorite Songs of All Time.  The bands singer/song writer Shane MacGowan wrote a beautiful song that singer Kristy MacColl accompanies him on that starts off sad and sweet, but then takes a surprising turn for the awesome when you learn that it’s about two Irish Immigrants who get into a domestic fight on Christmas Eve and have to spend their Christmaslocked up in a jail cell in New York City.  With lyrics like “You scumbag/you maggot/you cheap lousy faggot/happy Christmas you ass/I thank God it’s our last” being sung over traditional Irish folk music, how can you not fall in love with song as much as I have?



1.) Oi to the World! by The Vandals


California Punk band the Vandals recorded and released a Christmas in 1996 that contains tracks such as “A Gun for Christmas”, “My First Christmas (As a Woman)”, and “I don’t believe in Santa Claus”. However, the album’s title track “Oi to the World!” is hands down the best one on the album.  It’s a song in the Oi! Punk style about a British Skinhead and Pakistani Immigrant who is also a fan of Punk who get into a bar brawl and their fighting is only brought to an end after God came down on Christmas day to say Oi!  To the punks and to the skins!  This song is so popular and beloved that it was actually covered by the band No Doubt a few years later.  In fact, a lot of people think “Oi to the world!” is a No Doubt song, but it was originally written and recorded by The Vandals.  No matter which version you prefer, there’s no doubt about it: “Oi to the World” is an awesome Christmas song.




Sunday, October 26, 2014

Character Analysis: Vukmir Vukmir

Character Analysis: Vukmir Vukmir

By: A. Aleister Sirrat

     Few films in the world have gained as much notoriety or infamy as the 2010 Psychological Gore Film “A Serbian Film”.  The Film has been banned from playing in theaters in countries around the world.  You can usually find this film on a list of “Most Controversial Films of All-Time” or “List of Banned Films” along with other titles such as “Cannibal Holocaust” or “Salo, the 120 Days of Sodom”.  Despite my attempts to avoid this film at all costs, my friend Das Film Junkie has convinced me to finally see this film this week, and I have to say...it’s not that bad.  Don’t get me wrong this film is graphic and towards the end is just horrifying image after horrifying image, but I do agree with him that it’s probably not the worst or most graphic film I’ve ever seen.  So to honor the milestone of me finally seeing “A Serbian Film” without losing my sanity, I have decided to do a Character Analysis on the films antagonist Vukmir Vukmir

CHARACTER: Vukmir Vukmir from “A Serbian Film” (2010)

Vukmir Vukmir is a former Child Psychologist (and former Government Worker who produced Children’s Television shows for the Serbian Government) turned Independent pornographer.  Vukmir has a dream of starting an “Artistic Porn Revolution” in Serbia.  Vukmir recruits Milos, a famous retired Serbian adult film start to appear in his films.  Milos is reluctant to join at first, but Vukmir promises Milos that if he does this film then he and his family will be set financially for the rest of their lives.  Every day Vukmir sends a mysterious bald driver who wears sunglasses to pick up Milos, and as soon as Milos arrives on set he is given an ear piece and tells Milos everything he wants to do in the film.  At first things appear to be pretty typical on set, but then Vukmir starts encouraging Milos to do things that go against his beliefs and desires, such as physically assaulting a woman on set, and allowing a young girl to watch him have sexual acts performed on him.  Vukmir pushes Milos over the edge and drives him to quit when he shows him a video he made of the driver sexually assaulting a newborn baby.  However, Vukmir isn’t going to let Milos leave that easily and has him secretly drugged with something that he describes as “Viagra for bulls”.  The use of this drug distorts Milos perception on reality and makes him susceptible to anything Vukmir tells him.

THE ACTOR

     Vukmir is played by Serbian Actor Sergej Trifunovic.  I wish I could tell you more about Trifunvovic as an actor, but I’m afraid, I couldn’t find that much about him.  Most of his work in film and television is in his native Serbia, but has had some small parts in American films; most recently had a small part playing a sailor in the 2012 “The Raven” with John Cusack.  I think Trifunovic, was absolutely wonderful in this role providing the right amount of fear and determination for this character, and Vukmir is probably one of the Most Underrated Villains in Film of the past decade.

Character is Similar to or Inspired By

Off the top of my head I would say that Vukmir is similar to the Jigsaw Killer from the “Saw” franchise, however Vukmir doesn’t hide behind a mask (or dummy I should say).  Like Jigsaw, Vukmir has a desire to control other people and make them do things against their will, like murder other people.  I would also say he’s like Dr. Hannibal Lecter: both have backgrounds in psychiatry and use their superior intelligence to get into the minds of their victims and manipulate them. Only Vukmir doesn’t kill his victims; he has other victims do that for him.  I think it’s also safe to say that Vukmir has a God Complex.  He has a need and desire to control people’s lives and that is made apparent when he has Milos and his film crew wear an ear piece so he can feed them instructions.

Jigsaw Killer from "Saw"
Vukmir with Milos from "A Serbian Film"
Dr. Hannibal Lecter from "Silence of the Lambs"

FATE OF THE CHARACTER


You got what you deserved you sick-o!
Vukmir takes his control over Milos to the extreme.  Milos finds a tape and discovers that when Vukmir and his film crew drugged him they also filmed him being sexually assaulted by members of Vukmir’s crew, forced him to decapitate and rape a woman, and forced him to perform in a scene where Milos brother sexually assaulted his wife while he forced to sexually assault his son.  Upon realizing the awful things that Vukmir forced Milos to endure over the past three days, Milos launches into a blinding rage and beats Vukmir’s head against the floor.  In his final moments of life, Vukmir smiles and claims that he believes his film has achieved beauty and perfection.  It was a violent and gruesome end to a truly violent and psychotic individual.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

5 Songs that were Popular in the 90's that you never hear on the Radio Anymore (PART II)

5 Songs that were popular in the 90’s that you never hear on the Radio Anymore (Part II)

By: Brian Cotnoir

5.)  How Bizarre by OMC

     There was hardly an episode of the Rosie O’Donnell Show that went by where she didn’t burst into this song.  This song by New Zealander group OMC (short for Otara Millionaires Club) found success in 1997, and had the whole word saying “How Bizarre/How Bizarre/How Bizarre”.



4.)  I Swear by All-4-One

All-4-One was a Fantastic R&B group from Glendale, California.  They were at their most popular when the airwaves were being dominated by groups and artists such as Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey.  The groups most popular hit was “I Swear” a powerful and soulful love ballad.  The song was so popular that it earned the group a Grammy Award in 1995.  A little known fact is that this is actually a cover song.  The song “I swear” was originally covered by Country Musician John Michael Montgomery.  Montgomery’s version of “I Swear” reached #1 on the Country charts in the U.S. and Canada.  However, I still prefer All-4-One’s cover, it’s a shame this track is played more on Hip-Hop and R&B stations.



3.)  Smooth by Carlos Santana ft. Rob Thomas

     Guitar legend Carlos Santana teamed up with Matchbox 20 front man Rob Thomas in 1999 on his album Supernatural.  This song was everywhere in 1999, it was almost impossible to turn to a radio station and not hear “Smooth” playing.  The songs popularity helped earn Carlos Santana 2-of-his-8 Grammys in 2000.



2.)  Tubthumping by Chumbawamba

All though I am not surprised that the band Chumbawamba failed miserably as a commercial act:  They were an Anarcho-Punk act from England, and their mission was not to be a commercial success.  This track—somehow—just became a massive success for the band.  With the easy to remember and repetitive lyrics “I get knocked down/but I get up again and you’re never going to keep me down!”.  Well when you write a song with lyrics that simple, it’s d@mn catchy and almost impossible to not sing-a-long too.  Not only am I surprised that you don’t here “Tubthumping” on the radio anymore, but seriously when is the last time you’ve heard this song played in a pub or a karaoke bar?  This song seems like it should be a staple in both of those establishments



1.)  One of Us by Joan Osborne


Now, I’m not a religious person—by any stretch of the imagination—but there’s no denying this is a great song.  A song that asks many great questions like: “What if God was one of us?”  This song was popular in the 90’s—it earned 3 Grammy Nominations—but it also received many complaints and criticisms from people who claimed the lyrics were “Anti-Christian” and “Offensive to the Church”.  I personally, don’t hear any of those kinds of messages in songwriter/guitarist Eric Bazillian’s lyrics.  I also don’t believe that anyone other than Joan Osborne could sing this song as well or better.  She really does take the song to the next level. It baffles me to no end that this song is not played on the radio anymore.  When you consider that you can still hear similar sounding and equally as great songs like Edwin McCain’s “I’ll Be” still being played then it begs the question, why not Joan Osborne’s “One of Us”?



Saturday, September 13, 2014

Confessions of a Loner (Part I)

Confessions of a Loner (PART I)

By: Brian Cotnoir

     I am a Loner.  In fact, I’m so much of a loner that I actually had the word tattooed on my body (no lie).  It’s something, I’ve grown to accept and embrace.  I like being a loner, and yet I find that so many people have these negative and preconceived notions about loners, and I am here to dispel some of those myths.  I can’t claim to speak for every loner, but these are 4 Things I feel people should know about loners. 

1.) I’m Not Depressed
  
   I’m absolutely surprised at the amount of people that ask me: “Are you depressed?”.  No, I’m not depressed.  I have never been diagnosed with any form of depression, and after a while I got pretty sick and tired of people telling me that I should “get tested”, to make sure I’m not depressed, “talk to a professional” or “seek help”.  I don’t think my anti-social behavior is a cry for help.  I think these assumptions about loners being depressed are inaccurate and terrible:  Why?  Because depression is a real issue, and when people make remarks about how I must be depressed, because I’m a loner, it takes away the severity from people who actually have depression.

2.) Yes, I do have friends (They’re usually other Loners)

     Another negative misconception about loners is that we don’t want or have friends.  That couldn’t be further from the truth.  Everyone deep down wants and enjoys friends.  A good number of my friends just happen to be other loners, which is actually great.  Loners who are friends with other loners don’t have to worry about explaining their behavior, or being judged. And to answer you’re next question, yes loners do meet up to hang out with other loners, though to be honest I talk to some of my friends ten times more on-line then when I hang out with them.

Truth!
3.) People bail on me about as often as I bail on them

That moment when you realize "Tonight's going to suck"
So another stereotype associated with loners is that we always bail on people when plans are already made.  That is true to a certain extent.  Going out in public can cause a loner to feel a lot of anxiety, especially when there are a lot of strangers.  So it always helps when we have someone we know go out with us in public.  So, it takes days—sometimes even weeks—for us to psych ourselves out for going out for a night or event.  Sometimes, you’re just not prepared, and you unfortunately have to cancel on someone at the last minute.  It sucks because your friend(s) are always going to be upset with you for bailing at the last minute.  Well, it happens to us too (as much as 50% of the time).  It sucks building your anticipation and trying to convince yourself that you want to go out in public with friends and strangers, so when they bail on us, it—in a way—reassures us that we shouldn’t go out in public.  What’s even worse is when your friends, somehow, convince you that you can all meet up at a place.  On more than one occasion, I’ve gone to a night club, a bar, a concert alone where my friends have said they would meet me.  As I wait anxiously for their arrival so that I will have someone to cling to/talk to with my constantly checking the entrance of the venue in anticipation of my friend’s arrival, only to receive a text message  saying that they decided not to go out at the last minute...so there we are left to fend for ourselves.  The ideal thing would be to just leave...however when you’re at a concert and you paid $25-$45 for a ticket (Plus $10 for parking, and $30 on gas) you’re not going to want to waste the money, so you just find a nice dark corner to hang out in and hope you don’t have a panic attack.  So please, think twice before you invite a friend who is a loner out.

4.) Haven’t you ever wanted to be left alone for like an hour?


     As loner I get accused of everything from anti-social, to depressed, to rude, but in all actuality, I’m none of those things, I just want to be left alone, and you know what haven’t you ever wanted the same?  Haven’t you just wanted to be alone for like an hour to just sit back relax, read, maybe watch an episode or two of “Orange is the New Black” or “Game of Thrones”? You work, you go to school, and then you come home and what’s the first thing that goes through your mind?  It’s usually “I just want to be left alone!” isn’t it?  Well, what’s wrong that I ask?  So don’t judge me because I prefer to be alone, it’s something we all want sooner or later.

Einstein get's it!

Friday, September 5, 2014

5 Best Songs about Big Butts

5 Best Songs about Big Butts
By: A. Aleister Sirrat

Hello Friend, Sirrat in the Hat here with another music top five.  You know rather fond of women with large behinds, especially the ones who know how to shake it, shake it.  So Das Film Junkie recommended to me that I do a list counting down the top 5 Best Songs about Big Butts.  So I’ve searched the Youtube high and low I’ve compiled this list so I hope you enjoy it, and if there’s a track about booty that you feel I should’ve included please let me know in the comment section.



5.)  Dance (A$$)Remix-Big Sean ft. Nicki Minaj

     Nicki Minaj has a number of different songs where she references her voluptuous backside, however after hearing her attrockious latest single “Anaconda” (which is about her bum) that I said there was no way I would include her in anyway on this list.  That was until my friend and editor Das Film Junkie told me to check out a single she did with rapper Big Sean, and I was quite impressed.  Not only did I enjoy Nicki Minaj’s contribution to the track, but I also liked Big Sean’s verses and his sampled use of MC Hammer’s “U Cant Touch This



4.)  Shake ya Ass- Mystikal

     Who here remembers the rap artist Mystikal?  You know the lad that sounds like James Brown gone Hip-Hop.  His voice commands all the women shake their a$$ and they happy to oblige.  They referenced him in the 2002 film “About a Boy”; remember they had actor Nicholas Hoult sing the song for a moment of comedy, that had no relevance or effect on the plot whatsoever?  Well whether you like this version or the more radio-friendly version “Shake it Fast”, it is still and enjoyable track.



3.)  Fat Bottomed Girls- Queen

     Das Film Junkie told me that this song has to be #1 on this list.  Even though I am British and a fan of Queen, I felt it was only deserving of the #3 spot on the countdown.  This song was written by the bands guitarist Brian May, and it is sung perfectly by singer Freddie Mercury, and it is a fabulous tribute to the fat bottomed girls around the world who really do make this rocking world go ‘round. 



2.)  Bootylicious- Destiny’s Child

     One thing that sets this track apart from the rest on this list is that it is sung by an all-female group.  Yes, it’s not only men who are fans of big bums, but women who are fans of their own booty’s as well.  This song is like anthem for women with big bums by women with big bums, and if you ask me it’s about d@mn time that they have one!



1.)  Baby Got Back- Sir Mix-a-lot


     Was there ever any doubt what #1 on this list was going to be?  The opening line of the song is “I Like Big Butts and I cannot lie”.  I have never heard a song that manages to get everyone on the dance floor and shaking their bums.  Even though, this songs legacy has recently been tainted when Nicki Minaj decided to sample it on her single “Anaconda” this track still is fantastic.