Friday, November 29, 2013

Update from the Corseted Critic!!!

I know I know I know I suck at keeping a regular blog!!! I could blame it on work and time constraints, but those are crap given that the other people on this blog are very good at getting something out at least once a week. So let's just blame it on my extreme laziness and slight lack of ideas!
So, I am beginning to seriously think about relocating and a lot of changes will come with this, so forgive me if it takes me a little longer to get stuff out, but I DO HAVE IDEAS!!
Reviews of a few Japanese horror movies will come, a tribute to Guillermo Del Toro, and more.
Plus: I will be doing these in VLogs!! Yes you will get to see my pretty face every week starting next February! I have an idea for a show and am going to try it out!
I always felt I was a more visual person and my text reviews never seemed right. I love theater, acting and am pretty apt at editing. As of right now I have a few scripts in process, so let's see how it goes.
The late date is due to the fact that, should I move, it won't be until next year, so again, I appreciate your patience and can't wait to get started.


The Corseted Critic

Thursday, November 14, 2013

5 Songs that Annoying White Girls Love

5 Songs that Annoying White Girls Love

By: A. Aleister Sirrat

Hello Friends.  This is “Sirrat in the Hat”, and I’ve decided to take a break from reviewing French Exploitation films from the 1970’s and do a music Top 5 List like my dear friend Das Film Junkie.  Have you ever been one of those unfortunate souls who’s been out in public; maybe at a bar, or a club, and all of a sudden you hear the ear piercing screams of a group of Annoying White Girls as “their song” begins to play over the loud speakers.  You then have to bear the ungodly spectacle of watching them form a circle and scream every note of the song horribly off key.  It is site and sound that would make anyone envy the deaf and contemplate committing a Japanese ritualistic style suicide on the very spot where they stand.  Be forewarned people that if you are ever out in public where there is music playing, these are the songs that will send any group of Annoying White Girls into a manic frenzy and could cost you your sanity...or worst! @_@

5.) “Someone Like You”- Adele

All right, before you all start posting your death threats in the comment section, let me establish one thing.  This is an excellent song and Adele is a fantastic singer.  When she wrote and released this song it was an instant smash, and for good reason.  Adele revealed a sad personal experience from her life.  She is singing about her own personal heartache.  She is not singing a song about that 3-week relationship that you had with some guy where you stayed up to 2 in the morning chatting on Facebook.  She is not singing too you.  She is also not singing about you!  Oh and one other thing:  YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT HAS GOT DUMPED OR HAD THEIR HEART BROKEN!  Seriously, every person in this world has had their heartbroken at least once in your life.  That guy you met when you were 15 is not the only guy in the world who will ever love you.  There are plenty of people in the world, so stop posting this song’s lyrics as your Facebook Status every time you get dumped.  It’s cliché and it a bad use of a great song.

4.) “Mickey”- Toni Basil

Seriously, you're like old enough to be my grandmother
What girl didn’t secretly wish they were a cheerleader in High School?  It’s nothing to be ashamed know, unless you’re a grown woman in the early stages of menopause who dresses up like a High School cheerleader and writes an annoying as sh!t song that causes annoying white girls to stomp their feet and shout every god d@amn line out loud, like Toni Basil.  Also, why the name Mickey?  When I hear the name Mickey, I don’t think some young, hot, football playing stud; I’m thinking of Mickey Mouse.  This is the kind of song teeny-bop trash that makes Radio Disney DJ’s get hard in the trousers.

3.) “Cotton Eye Joe”- RedNex

     The Most sure fire way to send a group of annoying white girls into a frenzy is to play this song at ever single school dance, wedding, traveling carnival, etc.  Whenever this song comes on you can be assured that every annoying white girl in a 3-mile radius is going to start doing that stupid line dance and start talking about how “Redneck” and “#White Trash” they are as the post pictures of them doing the dance from their IPhone’s on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

2.) “Barbie Girl”- Aqua

     From one terrible Swedish Pop Song to another: Every girl loved Barbie at some point in their life. Some even dreamed of growing up to be like Barbie.  Swedish Pop band Aqua wrote and released a song about the wish of so many girls...and blood still continues to hemorrhage out of our ears every time we hear that girl, who sounds like a hamster who swallowed a year supply of helium, sings.

1.) “Don’t Stop Believing”- Journey

     I don’t get the appeal of the Fox TV Show “Glee”.  All they do is take popular old songs and make a less good version of it.  No recording artist or band is immune to having their song covered this wretched off spring of Kidz Bop & High School Musical.  Not even the great Journey.  Journey is an awesome band, and they have wrote many great songs...but I swear to your God that if I hear one more girl tell me that “Journey’s cover  of ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ is not as good as Glee’s, I’m going to drive a railroad spike through the thick, empty skulls! 
“Glee” does not come up with their own songs, people, they cover songs that were written and made famous by other more talented artists!  WHY DO SO MANY OF YOU NOT GET THIS?!?!?!??!?!?! 

This is good :)