Confessions of a Loner (PART I)
By: Brian Cotnoir
I am a Loner. In fact, I’m so much of a loner that I
actually had the word tattooed on my body (no lie). It’s something, I’ve grown to accept and
embrace. I like being a loner, and yet I
find that so many people have these negative and preconceived notions about
loners, and I am here to dispel some of those myths. I can’t claim to speak for every loner, but
these are 4 Things I feel people should know about loners.
1.) I’m Not Depressed
I’m absolutely
surprised at the amount of people that ask me: “Are you depressed?”. No, I’m not depressed. I have never been diagnosed with any form of
depression, and after a while I got pretty sick and tired of people telling me
that I should “get tested”, to make sure I’m not depressed, “talk to a
professional” or “seek help”. I don’t
think my anti-social behavior is a cry for help. I think these assumptions about loners being
depressed are inaccurate and terrible:
Why? Because depression is a real
issue, and when people make remarks about how I must be depressed, because I’m a loner, it takes away the severity from
people who actually have depression.
2.) Yes, I do have friends (They’re usually other Loners)
Another negative
misconception about loners is that we don’t want or have friends. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Everyone deep down wants and enjoys
friends. A good number of my friends
just happen to be other loners, which is actually great. Loners who are friends with other loners
don’t have to worry about explaining their behavior, or being judged. And to
answer you’re next question, yes loners do meet up to hang out with other
loners, though to be honest I talk to some of my friends ten times more on-line
then when I hang out with them.
| Truth! |
3.) People bail on me about as often as I bail on them
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| That moment when you realize "Tonight's going to suck" |
So another stereotype
associated with loners is that we always bail on people when plans are already
made. That is true to a certain
extent. Going out in public can cause a
loner to feel a lot of anxiety, especially when there are a lot of
strangers. So it always helps when we
have someone we know go out with us in public.
So, it takes days—sometimes even weeks—for us to psych ourselves out for
going out for a night or event.
Sometimes, you’re just not prepared, and you unfortunately have to
cancel on someone at the last minute. It
sucks because your friend(s) are always going to be upset with you for bailing
at the last minute. Well, it happens to
us too (as much as 50% of the time). It
sucks building your anticipation and trying to convince yourself that you want
to go out in public with friends and strangers, so when they bail on us, it—in
a way—reassures us that we shouldn’t go out in public. What’s even worse is when your friends,
somehow, convince you that you can all meet up at a place. On more than one occasion, I’ve gone to a
night club, a bar, a concert alone where my friends have said they would meet
me. As I wait anxiously for their
arrival so that I will have someone to cling to/talk to with my constantly
checking the entrance of the venue in anticipation of my friend’s arrival, only
to receive a text message saying that
they decided not to go out at the last minute...so there we are left to fend
for ourselves. The ideal thing would be
to just leave...however when you’re at a concert and you paid $25-$45 for a
ticket (Plus $10 for parking, and $30 on gas) you’re not going to want to waste
the money, so you just find a nice dark corner to hang out in and hope you
don’t have a panic attack. So please,
think twice before you invite a friend who is a loner out.
4.) Haven’t you ever wanted to be left alone for like an hour?
As loner I get accused
of everything from anti-social, to depressed, to rude, but in all actuality,
I’m none of those things, I just want to be left alone, and you know what
haven’t you ever wanted the same? Haven’t
you just wanted to be alone for like an hour to just sit back relax, read,
maybe watch an episode or two of “Orange
is the New Black” or “Game of Thrones”?
You work, you go to school, and then you come home and what’s the first thing that
goes through your mind? It’s usually “I
just want to be left alone!” isn’t it?
Well, what’s wrong that I ask? So
don’t judge me because I prefer to be alone, it’s something we all want sooner
or later.
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| Einstein get's it! |
