5 Things that British People Love to see in Films

5 Things that British People Love to See in Films

By: A. Aleister Sirrat

    Hello mates, Sirrat in the Hat here bringing you another Top 5.  You know, being of British origin (I’m from Belfast but I was born in Manchester in case I never mentioned that before), I kind of feel that our films have a more sophisticated and refine look then our American Counterparts.  That isn’t to say that, American Film Studios aren’t good at what they do.  Hell my favorite film—“The Godfather Part II”—was made in America, but I am also very proud of the films that have been put out by British Film Studios.  However, I seem to notice a things and trends that seem to appear in many British films so here I am today presenting a list of 5 Things That British People Love to See in Films.

5.)  Zombies

Run, run as fast you can

It seems we Brits love Zombies just as much as Americans do.  Some of the world’s most beloved Zombie films, such as “28 Days Later”, “28 Weeks Later”, and “Shaun of the Dead” have all been filmed in England.  Not to mention a slew of others.  However, if you ask someone like my dear friend “Das Film Junkie” he would argue (or complain I should say), that the creatures in the “28 Days…” films are mutants because they were transformed by a virus (something that’s manmade) and therefore cannot be classified as zombies, because real zombies are the result of a curse or hex and were resurrected from the dead and are not caused by an infection.  Also, he goes into a blinding rage every time he sees “running zombies”. Well nonetheless, we Brits love our undead zombies, and find them to be rather enjoyable even though some of them are quite frightening.

4.)  Aliens

Even more loved by the Brits then zombies, aliens have always had a unique fondness and appreciation for aliens (I think Doctor Who has something to do with it).  With popular films such as the “Alien” Franchise (including “Prometheus”) , “Attack the Block”, “Storage 24”,  yeah there’s no doubt about it that us Brits love seeing those little green mean from outer space in films.  We tend to be more afraid of aliens in films because they tend to be more intelligent more vicious then most humans, I also because I believe that because we know less about them—as opposed to zombies—that’s what makes aliens more terrifying.  Whether you believe they exist or not is totally up to you, but one thing is for certain: if aliens do exist they are in for the fight of their lives if they come to face the people of Great Britain. 

3.)  Big Guns

    Despite popular misconceptions there are guns in Great Britain. They just are just more restrictions and bans on certain types of guns, but we do have them.  I mean look at films like “Lock, Stock, Two Smoking Barrels”, “Snatch”, “Gangster No. 1”, “Get Carter”, “Essex Boys”, those are some big freaking guns that those guys are toting.  Even James bond uses him, but we’ll talk about him later.  There’s nothing more that I like as British male then to watch a Jason Statham, or a Vinne Jones, or a Jason Flemyng walking on scene with a big ‘effing gun and they’re locked, loaded, and ready to kick some a$$. 

Say hello to my not so little friend

2.)  History

God save the Queen

The people of Great Britain are a proud people.  We’re proud of our heritage.  With so many important and notable people from History, we Brits love any film that has to do with our history.  From the Academy Award Winning films like “The Kings Speech”, “War Horse”, and “The Pianist” to the biographical films such as “The Iron Lady”, “Chaplin”, and “The Queen”.  Even lesser known Independent films, like “This is England” are popular amongst the British people and show the great power and might of her empire. The History of Great Britain is a fascinating history, and continues to make for great stories for great films.

1.)  James Bond

    Bond.  James Bond.  He was popular British literary character before he made his first appearance in a film over 50 years ago.  Since his first film, James Bond has been played by many great British actors such as Sean Connery, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig (but for some reason or another no one ever thought that Michael Caine would make a great James Bond).  Can you imagine all the cool and amazing things if you could ever get your hands on any of his gadgets?  Not to mention he has shagged some of the finest ladies in the world.  There’s no doubt about it, James Bond is the Greatest Fictional British Hero of All-Time, and he will probably be around as long as there is British Empire.

     Now with all that being said, I think it’s high time that British Film Studios go to work on the Greatest British Film ever made, and I think it should go a little something like this.  Aliens land down in London during the Coronation of Queen Elizabeth and begin to resurrect the dead and it’s up to James Bond to stop the aliens in a big blazing gun fight.  Find some way to incorporate Jason Statham into the plot and you will have the Most Popular and Beloved film in British History.

5 awesome films that (almost) nobody has heard of before (PART I)

5 Films that almost nobody has heard of that will make you feel smart and cultured just by watching them.

By: Brian Cotnoir

     Hello friends, Das Film Junkie here, sorry it’s been a while since I posted anything, but I’m here now and I’m ready to make it up to all of you, starting now.  Have you ever been in a situation where you’re surrounded by a bunch of people talking about their favorite films and how “brilliant”, and “original”, and “ground breaking” they are, and you’re just sitting there to yourself thinking “the latest ‘Hunger Games’ film was pretty bad-a$$ if you ask me” .  Have you ever been afraid that people would judge you because of your taste in films or because you haven’t seen certain films?  Do you feel dumb because you’ve watched “Spring Breakers” on DVD like 27 times?  It’s all right if you have, because not everyone can be a film aficionado like, yours truly.  But today, I am here to recommend 5 films that almost nobody has heard of that will make you feel smart and cultured just by watching them.  And just to make sure we broaden your horizons, I am picking 5 films from five separate countries, so enjoy, and if you haven’t seen any of these films, yet I seriously recommend that you do.

1.) Cashback

“Cashback” was originally 20 minute film that was nominated for an Oscar for Best Short film in 2004.  Two years later the films writer and director expanded that film into a feature length production. This was the debut film for writer and director Sean Ellis, and manages to combine stunning visuals and an interesting—all be it a melancholy—story of love, art, heartbreak, and fantastic adventure.  This was my favorite film in college and each time I watched it, I felt a little bit more intelligent.  This one of those films that every time you watch it you notice about a half-dozen things you didn’t notice the previous times you watched it.  Even though, the film does contain graphic nudity throughout, it’s quite tasteful, and is done entirely in the name of art.

2.) The Legend of 1900

This film comes to us all the way from Italy, but don’t worry folks this film is done entirely in English.  It’s the story of a man named “1900”, a man who was born and abandoned on an immigrant ship, The Virginia, on its way too America.  Little 1900 was raised by the crew of the ship as if he were their own.  He learned everything on the ship including how to read, walk, and play the piano.  It was on this ship that 1900 composed and played some of the most beautiful and astounding music that anyone had ever heard of. However, 1900 was only able to accomplish all of these amazing feats because he never once stepped off the ship. “The Legend of 1900” has a unique story, fun and likeable characters, drama, comedy, romance, and a stellar soundtrack.  If you watch this film for just one reason, it should be to hear the amazing music.  Trust me gentleman, you show this film to your girl on date night and she’ll be like putty in your hands.

3.)  The Living Wake

Who says that America is incapable of producing a film that’s witty, original, and artistic?  Well if anyone does say that it’s probably because they have never seen the wonderfully enjoyable dark comedy, “The Living Wake”.  “The Living Wake” is the story of an eccentric artist named K. Roth Binew (played by actor Mike O’Connell, who also co-wrote and co-produced the film).  K. Roth is told that he is to die of a “rare and unnamed terminal disease” and decides to make the last 24-hours of his life the grand finale performance of his life, by holding a “Living Wake” where people will have the opportunity to see and let him know why he was so great.  There are so many moments of comedic joy that range from the bright & happy to the dark & macabre.  Mike O’Connell is cinematic genius and more people should see “The Living Wake”.  The film also features actor Jesse Eisenberg (star of critically successful mainstream films “Zombieland” and “The Social Network”).

4.) I’m a Cyborg, but that’s okay

I am a member of the ever growing population that believes that all the best films today come from either Japan or South Korea.  “I’m a Cyborg, but that’s okay” was written and directed by Chan-wook Park (critically acclaimed writer and director of “Oldboy” and “Thirst”) and is one of the Best Foreign Films, I have ever seen.  Unlike, many of Park’s other films, which have darker themes and tones, “I’m a Cyborg, but that’s okay” is an enjoyable romantic comedy...that’s set in a mental hospital!  It’s the story of a girl named Young-goon who believes that she not a human, but a cyborg, so she is sent by her mother to live in a mental hospital.  The film largely focuses on Young-goons interactions with the other mental patients in the hospital, in particularly a romance that blossoms between her and kleptomaniac named Park Il-Sun (played by Korean Pop Star Bai Rain).  This film is comedic, it’s entertaining, it has heart, and it is just so enjoyable to watch.  You need to see this film, you just have too. 

5.) Kongen av Bastoy (The King of Devils Island)

“Kongen av Bastoy” is a semi-biographical film released in Norway and is the story of three young boys who were sent to the Bastoy Island Reform School for boys.  Bastoy is a Reform/work prison camp for young boys who have all been convicted of crimes.  The boys of Bastoy have many obstacles to deal with including harsh weather conditions, abusive staff members, and a Power-hungry Headmaster played by Stellan Skaasgaard (co-star in the “Thor” & “The Avengers” franchises).  Two of the boys eventually plot a daring escape from the Bastoy and they do it during a massive riot on the island where the Norwegian army is called in to stop the boys from completely taking over Bastoy Island.  This film is similar to a 2003 Swedish film called “Evil”, but if you ask me “Kongen av Bastoy” is much better film. 

5 Songs from the 90's that have Surprising Stories behind their lyrics

5 songs from the 90’s that have surprising stories behind their lyrics

By: Brian Cotnoir

     The 1990’s was an awesome time for music.  Alternative Rock dominated the airwaves and many underground bands rose up through the mainstream.  With so many awesome songs released by so many talented bands, it’s actually quite amusing how many people often don’t get some of the hidden meanings behind the songs they are singing.  Today, I hope to enlighten you on the hidden messages behind some of the 90’s Most Popular Songs.

1.) The Freshmen- The Verve Pipe

The first thing that I would like to say about “The Freshmen” by the Michigan Alternative-Rock Band, The Verve Pipe is that this is my favorite song.  For many years, I always thought that this song was about a guy who broke up with his girlfriend, and then she committed suicide, and everyone told him that her death was his fault, and then having to deal with the guilt of people blaming you for her death.  Much to my surprise, I found out that this song is not about a suicide, but rather an abortion.  The bands singer/guitarist Brian Van Ark wrote this song about the emotions he felt when he was 15 and he had gotten his girlfriend pregnant and she decided to get an abortion.  I never would have guessed that’s what “The Freshmen” was about, and it’s my favorite song for crying out loud!  However, that doesn’t change the fact that it is a great song.

2.) If You could only See- Tonic

The song “If You could only see” by Tonic is the tail of the bands singer/guitarist Emerson Hart who was in a relationship with a woman that his parents do not approve of.  That’s not really all that shocking, but then you find out that this woman in this relationship was older than him.  How much older than him?  Around 15 years.  Hart wrote the song about when he was 17-years-old and was dating a 32-year-old woman!  She must have been one hell of a cougar, and we have her to thank for being the inspiration to Tonic’s only major U.S. Hit.

3.) Come As You Are- Nirvana

Kurt Cobain lied to us all; he did—in fact—have a gun.  That line in the song where he repeats “well I swear that I don’t have a gun/no I don’t have a gun/no I don’t have a gun/”.  This song is a popular today as it was when it was released back in 1991, and yet so many people overlook that one lyric.  Kurt Cobain sings about not having a gun and then three years later chooses to end his own life with a—you guessed it!—a shotgun.  Maybe, Nirvana’s fans should have paid more close attention to Cobain’s pleas in his lyrics, and then maybe perhaps this musical tragedy could have been prevented.

4.) Lightning Crashes- Live

     This song gets my vote for Best Hidden Meaning behind a song: According to sources close to the band, this song is about a woman named Barbara, who was a friend of the band Live before they were famous, and one night after seeing the band perform, she was killed by a drunk driver, and the same night that she was killed by that drink driver, her heart was removed—she was an organ donor—and was transplanted into a newborn baby that was born with a  heart problem.  That’s freaking beautiful, and truly is a wonderful meaning behind a song.

5.) Truly Madly Deeply and I knew I loved you- Savage Garden

Back in the 90’s if you had a crush on a girl and wanted to do something to make her remember you, you’d make a mix tape of songs, and if you really wanted to get her to like you back, you better have included at least one song by the Australian rock band Savage Garden.  What makes this song so much fun is to realize that this song was not written about a woman that the bands singer Darren Hayes was in love with...it’s actually about a guy.  For a great while, Darren Hayes, kept his homosexuality hidden from the public, and no one knew.  Hayes was and still is a very private man, and does not like to leak out his personal life to anyone.  So it was a big surprise to all when he did come out in the early 2000’s.  But really think about all those years that people thought he was singing about a woman, when he was actually singing about a man.  I think that’s pretty awesome don’t you? 

5 Reasons why Aurora from "Sleeping Beauty" is the Worst Disney Princess

5 Reasons why Aurora from “Sleeping Beauty” is the Worst Disney Princess

By: Brian Cotnoir

So back in March I posted a review called “5 Reasons why Belle from ‘Beauty and the Beast’ is the Most Boss Disney Princess”, and ever since then it’s taken on a life of its own.  Like, that post is approaching 3,000 views on this blog.   Holy Shnikes!  Just to put that into perspective: my 2^nd most popular post on “Asylum for Nerds” only has 208 views.  Something that plenty of people have been asking me since I posted that review is when I am going to do an article on who I think the “Worst Disney Princess” is.  Well here it is: These are the 5 reasons why Aurora from “Sleeping Beauty” is the Worst Disney Princess Ever.

1.) She doesn’t do a damn thing in the movie

How exciting...NOT!

One thing that most Disney Princesses do in their films is play an active role in the plot, Aurora does not.  For most of the film she isn’t even conscious.  She doesn’t help anyone, she doesn’t learn anything, she just lays their a sleep waiting for everyone else to come rescue her and do all the work.  That’s really not a strong role model as far as Disney Princesses go.  I mean, Snow White didn’t do much of anything either, but she at least took care of the Seven Dwarves, and domesticated herself, while waiting for her prince to come.  Even Ariel from “The Little Mermaid” had to learn that all of her actions have consequences, and that sometimes she needs to be less selfish and care about others.  But not Aurora, she just wakes up after the kiss from her Prince, and is all like “oh hey, thanks for rescuing me, did I miss anything”.  If I was that Prince, I’d be like: “Listen you sleeping b!tch, I just slayed a mother f*cking dragon to not only save you, but to save my own a$$.   Do you have any idea how difficult it is to stop a mother f*cking dragon with only a sword and a shield!  You Best be Loving me for all eternity, and hail me as your king!”.  Now, I know I shouldn’t let some silly plot-point infuriate me so much, but this actually makes a good segway for my second reason...

2.) Everything that happens to her could have easily been avoided

You only needed to avoid one thing!  Just one thing!

So a curse is put on Princess Aurora when she was just a little baby by the evil witch Maleficent.  Maleficent is furious that she was not invited to Aurora’s 1^st birthday party, so she casts a curse on her and tells everyone at the party that on her 16^th birthday, she will prick her finger on a spinning wheel and die before sunset.  That whole curse could have been avoided if the King & Queen had only invited Maleficent to the birthday party.  They invited everyone else in the kingdom (both magical and non-magical, but they had to go and snub Maleficent so she could get good and pissed off and place a curse on a little baby.  So the King concocts the brilliant idea to have every spinning wheel destroyed, so the prophecy cannot be fulfilled.  Not only that, but he decides that is best to send his daughter to live with the Three Good Fairies, Flora, Fauna, and Merryweather, until her 16^th birthday has passed.  Even with all these precautionary measures in place, they still failed miserably and Aurora pricks her finger on that God d@mn spinning wheel and dies.  This is bad, the only worst security fail in History was JFK’s Security Detail at Dallas in 1963.  

3.) The stories main focus isn’t even on her

     Every other Disney Princess is the main focus of their own film, but Aurora is not.  If anything the films primary focus is on the Three Good Fairies.  Even Prince Phillip and Maleficent got more screen and story time then Aurora.  How can you even like Aurora when you know so little about her? 

The real stars of the film

4.) You never see little girls dress up like her for Halloween

    With such a wide range of beloved Disney Princess characters, it’s not surprise that Disney Princess costumes are among the most popular among young girls for Halloween.  But, I want you to think really hard about when was the last time you saw a little girl dressed up as Aurora for Halloween.  I bet you can remember seeing one dress up as Cinderella, or Ariel, or Snow White, but Aurora you probably don’t ever remember seeing one dressed up as Aurora.  It’s not really that surprising.  Even Mulan (who isn’t technically a real princess) is more beloved Disney Princess then Aurora, and that is saying something.  Aurora was such a bad Princess and that Disney waited 30 years before they would make or release another Princess Film.

5.) The Villain of the Film is 100 Times More Popular then Her

Everyone's favorite "Mistress of All Evil"

Yeah, you know you suck as a Princess/Heroine when the villain of your film is way more popular then you.  Maleficent is the Top Disney Villainess on Many Films Critics lists, and is one of the most widely recognized and popular of All the Disney Villains.  She is the self-proclaimed “Mistress of all Evil” and she is 100 times more liked then Princess Aurora.  Maleficent is so popular that Disney Studios is actually releasing a live-action reboot of the “Sleeping Beauty” story in 2014.  And what is the name of this reboot?  “Maleficent”—of course—with Angelina Jolie playing the title role.  According to many websites the reboot is the story of “Sleeping Beauty”, but it is told from the perspective of the antagonist “Maleficent” rather than Aurora or the 3 Good Fairies.  How bad of a princess do you have to be, to not even get your own reboot?  The only modernization that’s come of “Sleeping Beauty” was that absolutely God Awful 2011 Australian Film and it had absolutely nothing to do with the original fairytale.

These are 5 Reasons why Aurora from “Sleeping Beauty” is the Worst Disney Princess.  If you liked this review then make sure to check out my other review of “5 Reasons why Belle from “Beauty and the Beast” is the Most Boss Disney Princess”.  Just click the link below. 

5 Reasons why Belle from "Beauty and the Beast" is the Most Boss Disney Princess

Christmas Nightmares

Christmas Nightmares

By: Brian Cotnoir

    One of my favorite Christmas specials that I like to watch every year is “A Christmas Story”.  Every year I get so excited when it comes on TV.  The one reason why I like it so much is because I think that everyone has had that one Christmas in their life time where there was one Toy that they wanted more than anything in the world.  That one special toy that you saw and you didn’t just want, but you saw it a vital necessity in your life.  You would do anything in your power to ensure that you would get that toy for Christmas; Ask Santa, beg your parents, go out of your way to be exceptionally good and ensure that you would be put on a “Nice List”.  There wasn’t anything you weren’t willing to do to get this toy for Christmas.              

     Then the big day comes.  It’s Christmas morning and you rush into your living room with excitement with your sibling(s) and you begin to scope out the massive pile of presents underneath the tree and see which ones are marked for you, and you sit there and wonder if that big present underneath the tree is the one thing you’ve hoping for that Christmas.  You begin to frantically rip open your gifts with anticipation that the next one you open will be your ultimate toy, and then it comes down to just one box left open the tree, it has your name on it, and you have yet to receive the toy you’ve wanted the most.  It all comes down to this:  Will Santa have delivered the goods and answered your pleas or will your Christmas day end with a somber disappointment and the dread of having to wait until next year to receive that present.                                         

     

    With zero hesitation you tear through the wrapping paper wishing and praying to God that it’s the Greatest Toy Ever, and when that last piece of the paper is torn off you sit there in astonishment and can’t believe your eyes.  That one toy that you did extra chores all month for, that one toy that consumed your dreams at night, that one toy that was going to make or break your Christmas was finally all yours!  You jumped to the ceiling in astonishment and praised Santa as your parents looked upon you with loving gazes at how happy you were to have received your final present, and without any hesitation you took that Ultimate Toy and you played with it, and it was the best Christmas ever...or perhaps the start of the most nightmarish Christmas of your entire life???                         

         

    You had reached the highest of highs, but then your parents introduce an idea to you that seems worst than anything you could have ever imagined...Sharing your gift with others.  And I’m not talking having to share the gift with your sibling(s).  Sharing a gift with a sibling(s) is easy. They live with you and they know how you like them to play with your toys, so as long as they’re careful enough you don’t mind as much sharing with them, but it’s when your other relatives come over that you start to get nervous.                              

              

    Cousins.  Is there any worst group of people you can think of to share your toys with?  Especially younger cousins.  I have this theory that in almost every family you always have that one cousin; the one whose parents may have gotten separated or the one whose parents didn’t make a lot of money at their jobs so they couldn’t afford really to give their own kids a nice Christmas.  The cousin who may have had a “rough life” and couldn’t always establish right from wrong.  The same cousin who every time he’d come over your house would take out all of your toys and play with them and then would leave with his family without helping you clean up the mess.  Forcing you to clean up after them, and your parents always made you be extremely nice to them whenever they came over.  It was this cousin we always dreaded the most especially at Christmas time.  The second they came in through the door and they saw you playing with your new toy they seemed to have this look of pure evil upon their face.  Then they would walk up to you and without even so much as a “hello”, would look at you and say “Can I play with that?”  And the same thought went through all of our minds; “No.  You can’t play with this.  It’s mine.  I went through hell to get this toy, I’ve only had it for two hours and I’m not going to let you play with it because you might break it”.  Then your cousin would always turn on the water works and run to his parents (or worst your parents) and say that you weren’t sharing with them.  Your parents would pull you aside and sharply tell you that you needed to share your gift with cousin because it was Christmas; a time of caring and sharing, and that you were acting a spoiled brat.  Then you pleaded your argument to your parents that your cousin should not be allowed anywhere near your new and favorite toy, not because of the fear that they might break it, but for the fear that they would most certainly break it if they were to play with it.  Your parents would most definitely ignore your pleas at this point and then submit you to the worst punishment imaginable as a child.                                             

    For failure to share your new toy with your cousin you were sentenced to sit between your parents and watch your cousin play with your new favorite toy until you could “learn to share”.  It was madness, it was unbearable, it was the worst form of torture you could ever think of for a child.  Watching your cousin play with your new favorite toy was like watching the one you love get tortured to death.  “Stop it!” you would say in your head “you’re playing too rough with it.  You’re going to break it.  Please stop being so rough with my new toy”, but your parents didn’t care.  They ignored the look of anguish upon your face.  In their eyes they were teaching you an important life lesson.  As for your cousin, they could care less about how they were playing with your toy.  They played with it and treated it as if it were their own toy, but it wasn’t; it was yours.         

    The came the moment of fate: your cousin in a horrific brain lapse tossed your new favorite toy way up into the air as you looked on with horror, praying, praying that he would catch it.  As they most assuredly missed catching the toy on it’s way down, your heart exploded as you watched that new toy hit the floor and break in two.  Your cries of anguish were ignored by your parents as you fell to your knees, heartbroken.  Your aunt & uncle told your cousin to apologize to you for breaking your toy and your cousin just looked down at the ground as they delivered the most insincere  “I’m sorry” ever.  And what started out as the Best Christmas Ever ended as one of the worst days of your childhood.  

Update from the Corseted Critic!!!

I know I know I know I suck at keeping a regular blog!!! I could blame it on work and time constraints, but those are crap given that the other people on this blog are very good at getting something out at least once a week. So let's just blame it on my extreme laziness and slight lack of ideas!
So, I am beginning to seriously think about relocating and a lot of changes will come with this, so forgive me if it takes me a little longer to get stuff out, but I DO HAVE IDEAS!!
Reviews of a few Japanese horror movies will come, a tribute to Guillermo Del Toro, and more.
Plus: I will be doing these in VLogs!! Yes you will get to see my pretty face every week starting next February! I have an idea for a show and am going to try it out!
I always felt I was a more visual person and my text reviews never seemed right. I love theater, acting and am pretty apt at editing. As of right now I have a few scripts in process, so let's see how it goes.
The late date is due to the fact that, should I move, it won't be until next year, so again, I appreciate your patience and can't wait to get started.

:D

The Corseted Critic

5 Songs that Annoying White Girls Love

5 Songs that Annoying White Girls Love

By: A. Aleister Sirrat

Hello Friends.  This is “Sirrat in the Hat”, and I’ve decided to take a break from reviewing French Exploitation films from the 1970’s and do a music Top 5 List like my dear friend Das Film Junkie.  Have you ever been one of those unfortunate souls who’s been out in public; maybe at a bar, or a club, and all of a sudden you hear the ear piercing screams of a group of Annoying White Girls as “their song” begins to play over the loud speakers.  You then have to bear the ungodly spectacle of watching them form a circle and scream every note of the song horribly off key.  It is site and sound that would make anyone envy the deaf and contemplate committing a Japanese ritualistic style suicide on the very spot where they stand.  Be forewarned people that if you are ever out in public where there is music playing, these are the songs that will send any group of Annoying White Girls into a manic frenzy and could cost you your sanity...or worst! @_@

5.) “Someone Like You”- Adele

All right, before you all start posting your death threats in the comment section, let me establish one thing.  This is an excellent song and Adele is a fantastic singer.  When she wrote and released this song it was an instant smash, and for good reason.  Adele revealed a sad personal experience from her life.  She is singing about her own personal heartache.  She is not singing a song about that 3-week relationship that you had with some guy where you stayed up to 2 in the morning chatting on Facebook.  She is not singing too you.  She is also not singing about you!  Oh and one other thing:  YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT HAS GOT DUMPED OR HAD THEIR HEART BROKEN!  Seriously, every person in this world has had their heartbroken at least once in your life.  That guy you met when you were 15 is not the only guy in the world who will ever love you.  There are plenty of people in the world, so stop posting this song’s lyrics as your Facebook Status every time you get dumped.  It’s cliché and it a bad use of a great song.

4.) “Mickey”- Toni Basil

Seriously, you're like old enough to be my grandmother

What girl didn’t secretly wish they were a cheerleader in High School?  It’s nothing to be ashamed of...you know, unless you’re a grown woman in the early stages of menopause who dresses up like a High School cheerleader and writes an annoying as sh!t song that causes annoying white girls to stomp their feet and shout every god d@amn line out loud, like Toni Basil.  Also, why the name Mickey?  When I hear the name Mickey, I don’t think some young, hot, football playing stud; I’m thinking of Mickey Mouse.  This is the kind of song teeny-bop trash that makes Radio Disney DJ’s get hard in the trousers.

3.) “Cotton Eye Joe”- RedNex

     The Most sure fire way to send a group of annoying white girls into a frenzy is to play this song at ever single school dance, wedding, traveling carnival, etc.  Whenever this song comes on you can be assured that every annoying white girl in a 3-mile radius is going to start doing that stupid line dance and start talking about how “Redneck” and “#White Trash” they are as the post pictures of them doing the dance from their IPhone’s on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

2.) “Barbie Girl”- Aqua

     From one terrible Swedish Pop Song to another: Every girl loved Barbie at some point in their life. Some even dreamed of growing up to be like Barbie.  Swedish Pop band Aqua wrote and released a song about the wish of so many girls...and blood still continues to hemorrhage out of our ears every time we hear that girl, who sounds like a hamster who swallowed a year supply of helium, sings.

1.) “Don’t Stop Believing”- Journey

     I don’t get the appeal of the Fox TV Show “Glee”.  All they do is take popular old songs and make a less good version of it.  No recording artist or band is immune to having their song covered this wretched off spring of Kidz Bop & High School Musical.  Not even the great Journey.  Journey is an awesome band, and they have wrote many great songs...but I swear to your God that if I hear one more girl tell me that “Journey’s cover  of ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ is not as good as Glee’s, I’m going to drive a railroad spike through the thick, empty skulls! 
“Glee” does not come up with their own songs, people, they cover songs that were written and made famous by other more talented artists!  WHY DO SO MANY OF YOU NOT GET THIS?!?!?!??!?!?! 

This is good :)

THIS IS GARBAGE!